iPad3Ply

Art by Tim






March 9, 2012
Apple today revealed the latest product of the iPad series, the iPad3Ply.
Why settle for the iPad2 when you can have iPad3Ply?
Feel the silky smoothness of the alluminosilicate coated iPad3Ply.
Now, it's illustrated in high definition glory, so your toilet visit is never a boring one.

The new iPad 3ply is 4G compatible -  we talk to our resident expert Dr Chang to discuss what this means.
"In medical terms, if u get a tummy bug , we call that gastroenteritis.
There are 4 different grades of severity for gastroenteritis.
Stage 4 gastroenteritis, aka 4G is the most severe form of gastroenteritis.
We found that normal 2 ply toilet paper is unable to withstand the shear explosiveness and brutality of a 4g storm.
Hence our labs have come up with the iPad3ply. Guaranteed to withstand any abdominal storm that a human can produce. It's true, we tested it in our labs.
My colleague, Dr Ling, said thinner is better, but obviously he's never suffered a 4G level diarrhea attack"

There is still a reason to buy the iPad 2 however. With the introduction of the iPad 3ply, Apple has reduced the price of the iPad 2 by NZD200. I personally wouldn't risk being not 4G ready though.

Is an iPad 2 worth more than a Kidney? A comparison.

Well..... is it?
This might be old news, but it's true, a 17 year old boy from AnHui province in China decided to sell one of his kidneys so he could buy an iPad2.
"I wanted to buy an iPad2, but I didn;t have the money"
"When I surfed the internet, I found an advert posted online by an
agent saying they were able to pay RMB 20,000 to buy a kidney"
So he went to a shoddy hospital, had his kidney removed and was 
paid RMB22,000.
1st of all, I would like to commend the honesty of the black market kidney harvesters. They could have easily left him for dead without a single cent. Instead they paid him the full agreed amount. 


Ok, lets talk about this topic now, is an iPad 2 worth more than a kidney?


1. Monetary Value


A kidney on the black market may be worth up to $50,000 USD. This boy was paid a measly $3400 USD.
1 tip for you! Check your market prices before executing a trade!
So monetary-wise, a kidney is worth more than an iPad 2, which retails for about $499 USD at the moment!


Winner - Kidney!


2. Happiness value


How much happiness can an iPad 2 give you?
I don't really know, but apparently his life was so sad it wasn't worth having 2 kidneys.
He believed that the iPad2 would complete him more than 1 kidney
The apple website says  "When you pick up iPad, it becomes an extension of you"
" it's got an all new design, just beautiful"
" when you get your hands on one, it feels totally diffferent"


Winner? It depends
Just asked these guys in the video below

3. Specs ( I took a few quotes from iPad launching speech)


" It is an all new design"
Your kidney - same design for years


"It's dramatically fast, with the A5 processor"
At 17, your glomerular filtration rate is about 90-120ml/min


"It's great, it's duo core processors"
Your kidneys comes as duo, but we are only talking about one for comparison.


Winner - iPad2 ?


4. Battery life


iPad2- 10 hours
Kidney- 70 years


Winner - Kidney


5. Funtionality


iPad2- "And it makes surfing the web, checking email, watching 
movies and reading books so natural, you'll wonder why you ever
did it any other way"


Kidney- it removes toxins from your body so you don't die. Losing one kidney won't kill you, but might make u a bit tired


Winner- Kidney


6. Bragging rights


Not everyone in your village can afford an iPad 2 , but almost everyone has 2 kidneys


Winner - iPad2 

Conclusion: I think I will have to favour the kidney slightly, at the risk of sounding uncool.


Perhaps iPad vs kidney should never have been the question but rather, what has happened to society that a person would sell a vital organ in exchange for a consumer product?


Oh well, perhaps there will be an iKidney app.