Tuesday, 17 January 2012

Local boy who's been overseas for too long get gastroenteritis from eating at local stall


 Jan 17 2012   last updated 1021GMT

SIBU: Local boy who's been overseas for a long time but still thinks he is local contracts diarrhoea from local food stall.
Mr Noob, who refused to give his name and age, has been overseas in some "ah mo" country for a while and is back for CNY.
He has been seen frequenting all the local coffeshops and stalls around town.
He still views himself as "local" despite the different sentiment of true locals.
It is reported at 1600 pm yesterday, he started getting chills and shakes and subsequently developed diarrhoea.
He is now bedridden with misery.
He refused to give a comment so we have interviewed the people around him

Friend: I told him lah, foreigner come and eat here always get "lau sai" lah. But he don't believe.
He say his stomach like iron. Can tahan. Now see?

Stall owner : Haiya that budak, cannot even speak local properly. I already know lah. Speak with accent but try to be local.  I knowlah, he olledi like banana, where got can tahan local spicy food? I make sambal belly belly nice one, u wan or not?

Stall owner 2 : I see him already know, this boy sure trouble one. Cannot even order food properly. See already sien. He even say "thank you" somemore. Ptuiii! Who says "thank you" around here!
He dunno, I already chop him! ( makes chopping movement with his hand )
Somemore, he try to pay with with 50 ringgit note. Jialat! I hate people who give me big note. Sia ba jin eng ( foochow: eat full nothing to do) Wah he think this is hotel hah?

Passer-by : I saw that nerdy pale boy, eating so happily there. I think.. where is this boy from ah. Speak "ing ung" (Foochow: english) somemore. Want to show off issit. Very "gen"" issit? Take picture of his food somemore. Good good.... now he get kena.

Mother: I told him, dun eat outside so much, not good for you. Eat at home already can. But he never listen.

Brother: Hahaha, he kena "owned"

Our latest report is that he is recuperating in an airconditioned room, cos he is too weak to take the heat.

Reuters 17 Jan 2012

This is the author's impression of the possible scenario

* the above story is not true news but inspired by real life events

1 comment:

  1. this is hilarious Mr. Noob! Just admit it - you're.not.local! LOL